My 40th birthday, March 13, 2011

I can’t tell you how moved and excited I feel to write these words: From Fifty With Love.

Some of you will have been with me from the very start, from the birth of this blog – From Forty With Love – 10 years ago.

Some of you will remember where I was back then: turning 40, single, confused about my career after burning out and breaking down as a political journalist, bemused as to why I hadn’t managed to make a relationship work, wondering if I’d ever have kids, frequently asking the question:

How on earth did I end up here?

Searching. Searching for answers. Searching for answers inside myself by writing my truth on this blog. And searching for answers from anyone who was in the same boat, from anyone who could relate to where I was at.

And you read my posts and you wrote to me and you said you could relate. You said you were in the same boat, that you were also confused and bemused about your life, your relationship status, the absence of kids or generally, the way things had worked out. You told me that you were asking the same thing:

How on earth did I end up here?

And you helped me to feel less alone, less odd, more normal, like I belonged somewhere, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.

And you gave me the courage to continue to write, to share my truth, my hurt, my vulnerability and my questions in this blog and all over the internet. And you gave me the strength to continue to search and, once I’d found my answers, to take a massive leap of faith.

You gave me the courage to explore my relationship history and understand where I’d been going wrong so that I could end the cycle of self-sabotage, stop hurting myself and others and put things right.

You gave me the courage to examine my confusion and ambivalence about motherhood and to share both the grief and relief I felt about never having kids.

You gave me the courage to put two feet into my relationship with Bill, rather than keeping one foot in the door as I’d always done – to trust that it would work out and that if it didn’t, I’d be OK.

You gave me the courage to pitch my writing to scary editors at glossy magazines and to write to radio stations and to challenge my feelings of ‘less than’, unworthiness and imposter syndrome and walk through my fear of getting it wrong, of being judged, criticised, ridiculed or found out.

You gave me the courage to pack up my tiny London flat and move my life to the Dorset coast so that I could swim in the sea as often as I liked.

You gave me the courage to believe in my writing, to believe that people wanted to hear what I had to say, and to publish my book, How to Fall in Love.

You gave me the courage to say ‘Yes’ when Bill stumbled to one knee at the top of a snowy mountain in the Alps and asked me to be his wife.

You gave me the courage to build a coaching business from scratch and to believe in myself, my gifts and the value of my experience.

You gave me the courage to hold a retreat, way before I was ready to hold a retreat, and you helped me to make it a success and hold many more.

You gave me the courage to build courses and run workshops and to stand in front of big audiences and speak from the heart.

And you give me the courage, every single day, to get up and start again – to write my novel and my other books, to run more courses, workshops and retreats, to face my fears and challenge the thoughts that tell me I’m not good enough, that nobody will want to read my work, hear me speak or invest in my stuff.

So thank you – thank you for holding the space for me to be my authentic self, to write my truth and to share my gifts with the world.

Thank you for reading – whether you’ve been reading for years or just started today – for commenting on my posts and for supporting me on my journey.

This blog will continue – how could it not? – and we’ll keep the title, From Forty With Love, because that’s how it was at the start.

Resources for Your Journey to the Heart

If you haven’t read my first book yet, you can find it here: How to Fall in Love

I have some wonderful, transformational courses available to help you to love yourself, love your life and find love which you can find here. The small group courses for up to 10 women begin on March 29th so do get in touch if you’d like to join us.

And I’m hosting a fabulous Love Retreat in Turkey in October 2021. Read about it here.

Thank you again for your support x