As I prepare to celebrate my 50th birthday on Saturday, I’ve been reflecting on my milestone birthdays to date and the breakdowns and breakthroughs that have accompanied them.
On my 10th birthday, I was dealing with feelings that I had no idea how to process. Grief, loss and confusion following my parents’ separation and divorce. And fear, no doubt, as we sold up our family home and moved to a smaller place without Dad. Deep down, I thought it was all my fault.
Some months after my 20th birthday, I moved to Spain on a year out from Oxford University. I partied like crazy and made some wonderful friends but I also overate compulsively, drank myself silly, smoked and got into messy relationships. I weighed about 2 stone more than I do now. I disliked myself and hated my body.
I spent my 30th birthday in Brazil, finally finding the courage to end a relationship that was so hard to end but that really needed to end. I was slimmer by then after taking diet pills but I was still unhappy on the inside. I went to therapy for the first time and began my journey of self-discovery and healing.
On my 40th birthday, I launched this blog, From Forty With Love, and began musing out loud and in public about turning 40 as a single, childless woman with a career that had gone down the tubes after a breakdown and burnout. My father had died several years earlier, making me profoundly aware of the absence of a meaningful relationship and a family of my own.
And now I’m turning 50, a few months after losing my mum. I am childless and parent-less. However, I am married to the most wonderful man. I now live by the sea in a home with my husband rather than a one-bedroom London flat. I have a book published and am writing more books, including a novel, and I have a flourishing coaching business.
I’m excited about what is to come.
You can hear me ponder the milestones and the breakdowns and the breakthroughs in this video: From breakdown to breakthrough.
Thank you for journeying with me x
Resources for Your Journey
If you are looking for support to help you break through, I’d love to support you. Take a look at my book, online courses, retreat and coaching at www.katherinebaldwin.com