I wonder if I’ll ever change.
OK, so I’ve changed a lot over the years, transformed in many ways, as this blog attests, but will I ever change my last minute dot com nature?
Earlier this week, just days before flying to Turkey to host The Love Retreat that starts this Saturday October 15th (still time to join us – click here!), I was scouring the internet for something to wear – ordering bikinis and shorts that don’t fit and then needing to get to the Post Office to send them back before I leave, feeling stressed, rushed and guilty about my impact on the planet.
Not to mention the emergency sit ups I’ve been doing this week after suddenly realising that my tummy is looking rather worse for wear due to a combination of peri-menopause, a two-year break from Pilates after my classes stopped during Covid (why haven’t I gone back?) and the legacy of a binge eating disorder that meant I was overweight for much of my late teens and twenties.
And why, after so many years of recovery, do I still care so much about how I look – about how my body looks and what clothes I wear? That’s for another post.
There is good news, of course.
I’m more prepared than I was in the past – I remember too many holidays and work trips when I was still packing into the early hours before getting up at ridiculous o’clock – but I still leave things too late, especially before travel.
To get the adrenaline hit.
As a sensitive soul who grew up in an unpredictable environment where alcohol abuse was present, I’m used to feeling in a state of high alert, with adrenaline pumping through my body. It feels entirely normal to me, familiar, and therefore safe. And physically, I have a high tolerance for the stress hormones (just like I used to have a high tolerance for excess food and booze).
Without the rush, I feel kind of bored, flat, not fully alive.
Or that’s how it’s been in the past, because I continue to transform.
These days, I notice the adrenaline – the tingling sensation in my body – and I don’t like it. And I’m starting to enjoy peace, order and a slower pace – but all changes take time, don’t they?
If we’ve been living a certain way for decades, it’s unfair to ask ourselves to change overnight.
The rushing, busyness and adrenaline hit also distract me from the fear and anxiety that lurk beneath the confident, competent exterior.
Will I be safe? Will I be good enough? Will my retreat participants like me, love me, approve of me?
They did last time. This is my eighth or ninth retreat – I’ve lost count. But there’s always the chance that someone will be angry with me, and that’s a frightening prospect for my wounded inner child.
I wonder if you’re a last minute dot com person too, dear Reader?
And if you are, I have the perfect opportunity!
I have two rooms left on my Love Retreat that starts this Saturday October 15th in Dalyan, near Dalaman in sunny Turkey. Flights are available and you can arrive anytime on Saturday or even before if you can get there that fast!
Despite my usual trepidation/excitement (there’s a fine line between the two) before I host this retreat, I know it’s going to be amazing.
Sunshine, self-love, sisterhood, powerful coaching circles led by me to help you to break through your blocks in love and in life, relaxing yoga and spectacular boat trips. And together we can also explore why we’re so addicted to adrenaline and how to plan a more peaceful life!
“I would absolutely recommend this to anyone who tends to neglect their self-care,” Nina said about the Turkey retreat last time.
“Magical, out of this world,” Phoebe said about our spectacular boat trips.
“You couldn’t top this!” Iris said, after a week of chilling out with us in the sun.
Would you like to join us?
I know from experience that despite the adrenaline spike and the rush, I’ve had some incredible holidays when I’ve acted spontaneously and booked last minute.
So if you’d like to come away with me and some like-minded women that could turn out to be friends for life, please explore this link and send me an email on firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll arrange a quick chat.
Otherwise, I’ll tell you all about it when I’m back and share the amazing pix!
PS Feel free to share the link below with any spontaneous female friends who are in need of a break. I guarantee they will thank you for it!
If you’d like to explore my other offerings, coaches, courses, my book and the like, click here: www.katherinebaldwin.com