Postscript

Posted on May 18, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

I felt the need to write a short addendum to my earlier post ‘The baby conundrum‘. As I took a ride on my scooter and reflected on what I wrote, I realised I’d used the phrase ‘the right guy’ far too often. In fact, using it once is probably once too often.

I remembered, as I scootered along, that I don’t believe in the concept of ‘the right guy’ so much anymore. I used to but these days, I believe in the right timing, the right headspace, the right circumstances and the willingness – on the part of both parties – to take a leap of faith, make a commitment and make a choice. I still like to think there’s some serendipity and divine intervention involved but, ultimately, I think it’s a choice, prompted by a particular time and place in the lives and journeys of two people. Just thought that was worth clarifying, to myself more than to anyone else, although I reserve the right to change my mind!

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The baby conundrum

Posted on May 18, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

So I caught up with an episode of BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs yesterday. I have to say I don’t normally listen to it but I wish I did. It seems like a thoroughly pleasant way to spend a bit of time. Kirsty Young’s voice is very soothing and the show has such an air of gentleness about it. For anyone who’s not familiar with the show, Kirsty invites a well-known person to choose eight songs they’d take with them if they were a castaway on a desert island. Interspersed with the guest’s chosen tracks is some gentle probing of the castaway’s private and public life.

With this site and blog in mind, a friend suggested I listen to the episode featuring the designer and queen of floral prints Cath Kidston from April 24. You can listen to the broadcast on the show’s archive. I was particularly interested in and moved by Cath Kidston’s comments about never having children and what that meant to her. She describes how, after getting treatment for breast cancer in her mid-30s, she was told by doctors that having children soon afterwards would be high risk. She decided, with her partner, not to take that risk. Later on, she saw another specialist who said it was a shame she hadn’t had children as it reduces the breast cancer risk. “It’s very difficult … really hard decisions,” she says. While she describes how wonderful it has been to help bring up a stepdaughter, who is now 18, she talks with sadness about never having given birth. Here’s an extract from the interview:

“I never imagined I wouldn’t have children so it’s very hard if I think about it, but I would never, I’m sure, have had my business if I’d have brought up children. In a way my business has been a bit like a replacement child. I’ve had to do that to fill that gap and it served me that way. And I’m sure, if you said to me now what would you have rather done, I’d of course, as a woman, I think, said I’d have rather had children. I don’t know the experience of what I’m missing out on luckily and anybody I talk to who’s had children will say they wouldn’t exchange it for anything, but I think I’ve been able to fill that gap by running a business and having this sort of, in a sense, extended family within the business.”

I don’t know why I was surprised by what she said. Maybe I wasn’t prepared for quite so much honesty. I think I’d been expecting her to say that she didn’t regret not having children, that her business was enough. I’m not sure why I thought she was going to say that as I know I would feel exactly the same way if I ended up with a hugely successful, global business empire but without any children. I’d exchange the business, the success, the achievement, the renown, whatever it was, for a child of my own in a flash. As I’ve written before, particularly in my Just As I Am blog post ‘The Baby Gap‘, I know some women who have happily chosen not to have children and have no regrets. But I know many more who are struggling to get pregnant and going through a really tough time or who are processing their grief around the fact they never did have children.

Cath Kidston went on to say: “It’s very primitive, isn’t it, underneath? We think we’re really sophisticated and are off buying all these fine things and doing this or that but at the end of the day we’re animals, I think.”

I agree, for many women, it is primitive. It may sound like a cliché but many of us do feel a biological urge and if it isn’t satisfied, there is bound to be grief that needs processing – not for all, of course, but for many.

However, I can’t help feeling the whole baby thing is a huge conundrum, particularly for women today. On top of the urge to give birth, many women (and men too of course but I’m sticking to what I know for today!) also have huge passion and drive to accomplish things, to be known, to use their skills and talents for a good purpose, to be a catalyst for change, to nurture, to create, to help and support others. And today, so many women have the opportunities to do all this and more. No wonder we’re so busy! But when do we take a break from all the accomplishing, achieving and pursuing our passions (our professional and creative passions rather than our romantic ones) to have a baby?

Some women are lucky enough to have had children and been able to pursue their professional dreams, by doing so in a particular order or managing to do both at the same time. But for others, things haven’t worked out like that, for various reasons. Maybe we focused too much on our careers, maybe we kept repeating unhealthy relationship patterns or maybe we were stuck in some addictive behaviour or other.

Even if we were pretty much sorted, we can’t just stop at 35 or 38 and say, right, I think it’s time for a baby now if the right guy isn’t around, unless we’re brave enough to go it alone, as indeed many women are. But what if we don’t want to be a single Mum and we’re 35 or 37 or 40? Well, we just have to wait, hope and pray, I guess.

Of course, so many women have gone before me and have probably worked this all out. They’ve had careers and babies and have either lived happily ever after as a strong family unit, broken up with the child’s father or stayed with him in a less-than-satisfactory relationship. But, at 40, the whole thing seems like such a big conundrum. Could we have done things differently? Should we have done things differently? Do I think too much?!

I was chatting the other day to a lady I know who, I think, is in her late 20s. She was talking about going off travelling and following her heart, rather than sitting around waiting for her boyfriend of several years to commit. Excellent idea, I thought, especially if you’re not sure you’re with the right guy. And you have to follow your dreams and explore your passions, even if you are with the right guy. But I admit there were some other thoughts running through the back of my mind. Should I tell her not to wait too long or travel too far? Should I say follow your dreams and your passion but make sure you stop at some stage and make time for babies? Should I tell her that I’d travelled the world and lived abroad for ten years but was now 40 and wondering if I would have a baby of my own. I didn’t say anything because I know we can’t plan our lives like that. We can’t engineer the right guy to come along just at the exact time when we’re ready to have a baby. We just have to get out there and live.

So what’s my conclusion? I’m not sure I have one other than the fact that the whole thing is a conundrum and if I sit here trying to work it out, I’ll go nuts! I suppose my lessons to myself on this topic are to trust, trust that God will either bring the man and the baby or will give me the courage and wherewithal to be happy, content and fulfilled if things don’t pan out that way. The other advice I’d want to give to my younger self would be to try to end a relationship sooner if it looks like it’s not going in the right direction rather than hanging on in there out of fear; be proactive with dating or activities that get you out there meeting like-minded people; pursue your dreams but keep your eyes open along the way; get to know yourself better and learn to love and take care of yourself first (maybe even start with a plant or a cat!), and finally, to remember to do the footwork, but also to remember to surrender the results.

Any comments on this conundrum would be gratefully received – I know I’m not alone!

Posted in Fertility, Love, Pregnancy, Relationships, Trust, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

Hysterical? Could be historical

Posted on May 17, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

I love the phrase ‘If it’s hysterical, it’s historical’. I’ve heard it a few times over the years but I heard it again recently and it was very timely. The idea behind it is that if our reaction to an event – say a relationship difficulty, the news of somebody’s sickness or death or a moment of confrontation – is disproportionate to what’s actually going on then it’s likely our past is interfering with our present. If our reaction is exaggerated, over-the-top or bordering on hysteria, then it’s probable that the present event has triggered a past memory and we’re reliving that, or at least dealing with some residual feelings about it.

For me, this is really useful to know. I might not realise that I’m reacting to my past as well as my present in the exact moment it’s happening but, these days, if the tears seem to be flowing too fast or my heart seems overly heavy, it doesn’t take me too long to notice that my past has invaded my present. Then, once I’m aware of it, I can gain some perspective. And nor do I think it’s a bad thing to have these extreme reactions. Perhaps they’re an opportunity to do some more grieving or heal some things from the past that have been simmering under the surface and need to be dealt with.

In my case, it seems it’s my father’s death four years ago and my feelings of loss and regret associated with it that often invade my present. If someone else close to me gets sick, which happened recently, the old wounds open up and I find there’s still more grieving to be done.

This might all seem a little deep but it’s on my heart so I thought I’d share it. You never know, it might even help someone who’s going through something similar right now.

On the other hand, I know I’ve been guilty of allowing my past to control my present in a detrimental way, and that’s definitely something I’m working on changing. A lot of my fears and insecurities are rooted in my past – I guess the same applies to all of us. Some of these roots go pretty deep and take some pulling out but if I don’t pull them out, I’ll continue to sabotage my present. Once again, this comes down to trusting, trusting that if I do things differently to how I’ve always done them, if I challenge my unhelpful patterns, then I’ll get different and better results. It’s scary but exciting at the same time.

On a similar note, I’ve been reading and reviewing a book called Tell to Win by American film producer Peter Guber as part of my freelance work. As I might have mentioned before, I often find the books I’m asked to review turn out to be particularly relevant to what’s going on in my life. So this book is all about the power of storytelling, which I guess is what my career is all about and what I want this website to be about. Something I read in the book a few days ago seemed particularly relevant to today’s post. It was about taking control of your own story rather than letting your story control you or letting others take control of it. Guber illustrated his point with this Salmon Rushdie quote: “Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives – the power to retell it, rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change – truly are powerless, because they cannot think new thoughts.” It’s nice to know we can rewrite our stories, shake off our past, change our patterns and think new thoughts, as so many people have done over the years.

To finish, I’ve been pondering turning 40, now that I’m two months in, and I’ve been discussing it with a few friends around my age. There is something significant about turning 40, particularly – as I wrote on the About page of this site – if you’re female, without children, single or at a career crossroads, and especially if all four apply. It seems to be a time to take stock, take a good look at how things have gone and are going and to make changes. I’m starting to hear about people who have made quite dramatic changes at this stage in their lives or who are planning to, so I hope to share some of those stories in the future. Maybe turning 40 is a time, for those of us who haven’t already done so, to start rewriting our stories. But then you don’t have to wait until you’re 40 to rewrite your story. Many do so earlier, triggered by something in their personal or professional lives that prompts them to change. Some wait until they’re older. And nor does it have to be a dramatic event. We don’t have to tear up the old manuscript and start afresh. Maybe we can just write new chapters every day, no matter our age. I guess that’s what I’m doing right now. I haven’t made any particularly momentous changes since turning 40, although I am writing some new chapters – both literally on this site and metaphorically in other areas of my life. And it’s nice to think and hope these new chapters, combined with some old ones I don’t want to throw away, will turn into a wonderful new manuscript at some stage in the future.

Posted in Positive thinking, Relationships, Trust, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged , | 5 Comments

Learning to trust

Posted on May 13, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

Why is it so hard to trust ourselves? Or maybe I should just speak for myself here. Maybe the rest of my readers have cracked this one already. If you have, I’d love to hear from you! I’m guessing some of the lovely ladies I featured in my past two posts have learned to trust themselves, but I’d also guess it wasn’t an easy process and it didn’t happen overnight.

I certainly find it hard to trust myself – to trust my gut instinct, to trust my intuition and to trust my ability to make a living from doing what I love rather than from doing what I don’t want to do. I also find it hard to trust that there’ll be enough – enough money particularly, but also enough security and enough love. As I wrote in my All will be well post, my default setting has been not to trust that all will turn out OK. I’ve gone through life with a sense that there won’t be enough and that I’ll have to constantly strive and struggle. Recently, I’ve started to get glimpses of an alternative way of living and thinking, but for now they’re only glimpses. I’m hoping those glimpses will become more frequent and, eventually, will turn into a different way of approaching life and work. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Of course, as I’ve also written before, trusting there’ll be enough isn’t a question of putting my feet up and waiting to be provided for. I have to take responsibility for my work, for the bills that need to be paid or the holidays I want to enjoy. But it would be so nice to say No to work when my gut is telling me to say No, instead of saying Yes and then resenting the fact that I have to do it. Or rather, at this stage in my career, I probably have to combine work I don’t absolutely love with work that makes my heart sing – it’s just about finding the right balance. It always comes back to balance!

I admit I’ve often struggled with the grown-up side of life. I’m not a fan of adult responsibilities. I know a lot of people who just get on with their adult responsibilities without kicking up a fuss or rebelling – they’re quite happy to do their tax returns well in advance of the deadline or do the necessary car, scooter, bicycle or home maintenance. And they diligently get on with work they don’t really love but they know is necessary. In my case, my inner teenager often throws a tantrum when it comes to those grown-up responsibilities. But as an adult, I’m not going to get very far if I let my inner teenager get her own way all the time. She can have her way some of the time – spontaneity can be incredibly freeing – but not all of the time!

One of my many adult responsibilities is to myself, to make sure I’m getting paid enough for the work I do. Recognising my own worth or value and then asking other people to recognise it is also something I’ve struggled with. I’m making progress on this but it’s slow. I guess, once again, it comes down to trusting that it’s OK to ask and maybe say No if I don’t get what I think I deserve.

I find I’m more able to trust myself when I’m more in touch and at peace with myself and connected to my faith. So prayer and meditation is one of my tips. Affirmations also help, although I don’t say them very often. But the affirmation that ‘all will be well’ is a good one for me. I’d say having a mentor or a coach would also help with the trust process – I know many people who’ve benefited from this. But a mentor or coach can only take me so far. Ultimately, if I want to take a leap of faith, I’m the one who has to leap.

If anyone has any other top tips on trusting oneself, trusting that everything will be OK and learning to follow one’s heart – good books to read, affirmations to say or other tactics – I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this post or elsewhere on this site.

In the meantime, I’m putting my ‘responsible adult’ hat on and heading off to work!

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Living, learning, passing it on

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

If you’ve lived it, you can learn from it, and someone else can too – irrespective of your or their age, profession, experience and position in life. That’s the ethos of ‘From Forty With Love’.

With that in mind, I have some more words of wisdom to share about following your passion, from an expert on the topic. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Caroline Marsh, the successful property developer, entrepreneur and motivational speaker, spoke at the Women in Business Conference at the London Metropolitan University on Monday. Caroline kindly agreed to do a short video interview after her talk for this site but, to my horror, the video didn’t record! (I confess it was a user error). Thankfully, Caroline found the time to send me some inspiring words by email. I asked her how she would mentor her younger self and what advice she’d give to someone who felt unable to move forward with their dreams. Here are some top tips from the Secret Millionaire:

Caroline Marsh

“I would say to the younger me, and someone who feels stuck, to follow my heart and dream. Stand on the shoulders of giants and learn from them. Success leaves clues, follow the clues. Never stop learning. Continue to be a life learner. You never have enough knowledge. Take action. Don’t procrastinate. Enjoy what you do and have fun while doing it. Do not be afraid to fail – after all, failure is merely an experience where we learn ‘how not to do something’. Develop characteristics of successful entrepreneurs: determination, perseverance, resilience, discipline, persistence, action, orientation. Challenges will always be there. As they say: new level, new Devil!”

I love this advice, and I’ll be adding Caroline’s words to the ‘Love Letter’ section of this site. The final part of it particularly resonates with me. Has anyone else felt more and more resistance – internally or externally – as they get closer to living out their dreams and following their passion? I feel I certainly have, particularly on the inside, in my own head. And sometimes that’s the most difficult voice to silence. I also loved Caroline’s own post about Monday’s event on her blog, called Opportunity of Entrepreneurship. Caroline has some great tips for people who don’t know what their passion is, including a list of questions to help discover it. I particularly loved this question: what are the activities or thoughts that absorb you the most you loose track of time? I guess I loved it because it confirms I’m in the right place with my blog and my writing. Frequently in the past months, as I’ve been blogging or writing on this site, I’ve forgotten to have lunch, dinner, or even breakfast, which, for a compulsive overeater who can be a little obsessive about having three meals a day, is a rarity and something worth noting. But then I have other activities in which I can also lose myself, in a good way: walking in Nature, cycling my mountain bike down a hill and dancing. But I guess writing is probably the best chance I have of making a decent living – hopefully one that’s decent enough to permit me plenty of time off for those other activities. In another post, entitled What’s holding you back?, Caroline describes how four years ago, she was terrified to pick up the phone and speak to an estate agent. She says she was painfully shy. That’s also very encouraging. I hate picking up the phone to pitch stories to editors but, as a freelance journalist who wants to publish more work, it’s just got to be done. Feel the fear and do it anyway, to quote best-selling author Susan Jeffers.

Inspired by Caroline, I thought I’d better get on and write my own love letter to my younger self. I’ll add it to the Love Letter section but I’ve also included it below. No doubt I will write others in the future but I felt it was about time I posted one and encouraged others to send in their letters. It occurred to me that these letters may contain some clichés. But then some clichés are truisms or facts. Parts of my letter are directed at my younger self – perhaps by 20- or 30-year-old – but other parts are just as relevant to me today, at 40.

Dear Katherine,

Always speak your truth. Speak it in love and with respect but always speak your truth. Don’t be afraid of other people’s reactions. If you are staying true to yourself, that’s the best you can do. Don’t worry if people don’t like your truth or if they don’t like you. There’ll be plenty of other people who do. Move on.

Spend plenty of quality time with yourself, in Nature and with God. Cherish this time. It will help you know yourself better, discover your passions and dreams and give you the courage to follow them. It will also help you to find balance.

Seek out a mentor and ask the advice of those who’ve gone before you but don’t do so obsessively. Be selective – too many opinions will leave you confused. The wisdom of mentors, friends, family and peers is valuable but always come back to your heart. What is your heart telling you? If you follow it, you have nothing to lose and at least you’ll know you’ve followed it, even if things don’t turn out the way you’d hoped or planned. And if they don’t turn out the way you planned, accept that was meant to be and that God has something better in store.

Notice what makes your heart sing and do more of it. Believe that you can build a career around it. However, learn discipline and self-control. Be realistic. Live life on life’s terms. If there are bills to be paid, then make sure you do the necessary work but try to find time to pursue your creativity. If you’re soul is dead in a particular job, get out as soon as you can. Life is too short. Other people’s opinions and expectations do not matter if your soul and your heart are speaking clearly to you. Don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith. And once you’ve taken that leap, don’t look back – keep your eyes fixed on today and on what’s ahead. Know your worth, know what you deserve and chase after it.

Observe your behaviours. When you find yourself overeating, under eating, starving, compulsively exercising, binge drinking or over working, take it as a sign that you’re out of kilter. Ask yourself what you’re trying to hide from, what feelings you’re trying to smother. What are you afraid of? The feelings and fears will always be there – it’s better to feel them or walk through them than try to run from them or anaesthetise them with food, alcohol or other behaviours. Share with others and seek help. Value your health and look after it.

If you are putting yourself at risk or in danger, ask yourself why. Thank God every day for keeping you healthy and well and for keeping you out of harm’s way but don’t take that for granted or as a signal to carry on being reckless. So if you’re held up at gunpoint after flagging a Mexican cab off the street, heed the warning – next time, call a licensed taxi. Ask yourself whether the ‘fun’ you think you’re having is actually fun. Are you living life at the extremes? Is it turning into self-harm and what is the cost? Ask for help.

Aim high but practise balance and moderation in all things. Achievement is good but not if it’s only in one area of your life. Ask yourself if your work life is balanced against your social, family, fun, spiritual, creative or romantic life. If not, try to redress the balance. Play is just as important as work and will help you to work more effectively. Place time with family and loved ones above your sense of duty to work or your drive to achieve. Tell those you love that you love them – frequently.

Don’t make rash decisions. Learn not to react. Learn to sit in discomfort and uncertainty. Take time to discover the right course of action instead of responding in a knee-jerk fashion. But then don’t dwell on the past. Learn from your mistakes but don’t ruminate on them. Move on. There are new things to discover and experience. If you fall over, get back up again and start walking.

Listen to the little girl inside you, what does she need? What is she afraid of? Reassure her. Don’t strive for perfection – perfection doesn’t exist, perfection is where you are today.

Cherish each day as an opportunity to grow and to learn. Do something that frightens you a little every day. Reach out to others and offer help and support, particularly when you find yourself spiralling into self-obsession or giving too much importance to trivial things. Maintain a healthy perspective.

And learn to laugh at and with yourself. Hold on to things loosely. Embrace change and practise acceptance. Say No to others to say Yes to yourself. It’s OK to change your mind. Trust your gut, it’s normally pointing you in the right direction. Then ask and pray for the courage to follow it.

From forty, with love.

Posted in Eating disorders, Empowerment, Entrepreneurship, Leisure, Mentoring, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

If you can dream it

Posted on May 10, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

So I spent yesterday in a room full of female entrepreneurs and businesswomen – some well established and others just starting out or still incubating their dreams. It was an inspiring day, and also an exhausting one. I love the fact that women love to talk and share, which is what this website is all about. I came away with so much information that I don’t know where to start and, as usual, I’m struggling to find the balance between developing this site, which I’m passionate about, and doing work that pays the bills. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to ask for guidance yesterday from women who’ve gone before me – from politicians to millionaire property developers. And that’s also what this site is all about – mentoring, inspiring, sharing and helping each other along.

I know women who are stuck, stuck in a job they dislike and fearful about pursuing their dreams or, like me, they’re just starting to develop their passions but they’re held back by fear – of success and failure – or by financial insecurity and a difficulty saying No to work that comes in. And then there are lots of other women out there who’ve made the breakthrough, who’ve overcome a stack of obstacles to live out their dreams and who are working in something they’re passionate about, feeling fulfilled and helping others at the same time. So what if we could connect these various women and learn from each other? That’s what this space is all about. Of course, there are many women’s networks out there – I discovered a few more yesterday and I’ll attempt to share them all on this site – but I’d hope ‘From Forty With Love’, as it develops, would somehow go deeper and provide a platform to discuss and work through some of the psychological blocks that get in our way.

In the meantime, I’ll introduce you to some of the women I met yesterday and share some of the snippets of wisdom I heard. But before I do, a word of gratitude. I’m so blessed to have a flow of work that pays the bills (more or less!), to have discovered something I’m passionate about and to have the opportunity to spend a day like yesterday networking, listening and learning from others. It’s easy for me to gripe that I don’t have enough time to write on this site or that I haven’t found a way of making a decent living off my passion but we all have to start somewhere and it’s worth me noting that I’m doing fine and if I keep on keeping on, working hard and being courageous while practising balance, I’ll get there in the end. But balance is the key and is a tough one to crack – as I’ve discovered today, trying to do too much!

So, yesterday, I was at the Women in Business Conference & Expo at London’s Metropolitan University, hosted by Innovate London and organised by the National Black Women’s Network and its social networking site SistaTalk. All of the panelists were pretty inspiring, as were many members of the audience who’d come to listen and network, but I’ve only time and space today to write up some highlights.

Meeting Sonia Brown MBE was one of those highlights. Sonia is the founder and director of the National Black Women’s Network and she also created SistaTalk. She was firing on all cylinders yesterday – exuding energy and inspiring us all to set bigger, better and bolder goals for ourselves. I asked Sonia for some of her secrets of success to include on this site. I’ll write up the full interview when I’ve got more time but here are some of Sonia’s words of wisdom.

“Understand who you are – it really means something when they say know thyself – know what makes you happy and what makes you sad and do more of the things that make you happy and less of the things that make you sad, because you’re only conforming and life is far too short to be that unhappy … Trust your instincts and live life passionately.”

Sonia Brown at the Women in Business Conference, May 9, 2011

“If you’ve got that fire burning in you, remember you’re going to be the odd one out – no one gets you, you’re going to be weird, too emotional – that’s because that fire in you cannot lay dormant. Once you know yourself and what makes you happy, find other people who are doing what you love to do … and then once you find that support network it’s easier to expand and flourish. What would I do differently? I’d make sure I had a hobby I stuck to so I could have some balance. It’s very easy to get consumed in what you do so look after yourself, pamper yourself. If you’re a woman, have your massages, have your facials, have your spa weekends, learn to swim or to skydive, go walking, ride your bike, get in touch with Nature.”

“And be firm. It’s ok to say No, we’re always saying No to ourselves but not to other people. Learn to say No and do what you want to do … By living life on passion, by being authentically you, you’ll be a role model.”

I also asked Sonia to say a few words to camera that might inspire others to follow their dreams. You can listen to her here (please excuse the sound and edit – I’m still honing my video skills but I decided to be less of a perfectionist and post what I had):

Another highlight for me was meeting Caroline Marsh, a Zambia-born property investment entrepreneur who took part in Channel 4’s The Secret Millionaire programme in 2008. On the show, millionaire benefactors go undercover in deprived areas of the UK to find ways they can help. Caroline ended up in Toxteth, in Liverpool. I grew up in Liverpool and my senior school was in Toxteth, although I’d won a scholarship to a fee-paying school so my experience of Toxteth was very different to Caroline’s. As schoolgirls, we didn’t get out much to have a look at the deprivation around us but I do remember the riots of 1981. You can see Caroline’s Secret Millionaire experience by clicking on this YouTube link and read an interview she did for the show here.

Caroline Marsh at the Women in Business conference, May 9, 2011

Caroline followed her dreams – starting by defying her Mum and becoming an air hostess instead of going to university, until the company she worked for went into liquidation. After moving to the UK with her husband, she decided she wanted more for herself and her family so she set about learning about the property business, with extraordinary success. She told yesterday’s conference: “I’m a wealthy woman because of the opportunity of entrepreneurship. I’m a wealthy woman because of my God-given gifts and talents. And I’m a wealthy woman because of my heritage and culture.” Caroline is now using her own business experience and entrepreneurial spirit to inspire, motivate and help others, while at the same time fulfilling her dreams. “Every day I’m grateful for what I have and for the person I’ve become,” she said.

Sandy Plange of Enterprising Women – a network of 8,000 female entrepreneurs – also gave some great tips for aspiring businesswomen, not least signing up to the Enterprising Women network, but I particularly took note of two phrases: “Never be afraid to try anything new” and “the Titanic was built by professionals, Noah’s Ark was built by an amateur“.

I haven’t time to list all the great things I heard or all the great women I met but I’ll just mention one final speaker: Claire Habel of Inspiring Futures, which aims to help women achieve their dreams through coaching and mentoring. Claire said: “If you can dream it, it can happen” and reminded us to “think big but plan realistically“. However, to my surprise, I was particularly moved by an exercise we did with Claire called the ‘Circle of Success’. We were asked to close our eyes and imagine ourselves sitting at the centre of a circle surrounded by our friends, family members, colleagues and peers. We were asked to imagine we’d achieved our goals or fulfilled our passion and were asked to think what those people around us would be saying.

I have to admit, this exercise brought tears to my eyes and really inspired me to pursue my dreams. What if this website or another venture I come up with is successful? What if it inspires or benefits others? What if I find a way to turn my passion into a career that affords me a comfortable life? What if I don’t have to struggle, watch the pennies or worry about the overdraft? This exercise has also prompted me to want to write down my dreams so I can look back, in a year or two, and see if I’ve fulfilled some or all of them. So I’d love, in the future, to be stood at the front of a room full of women – rather than in the audience – telling my own inspiring story of success or breakthrough. I’d love to be inspiring and mentoring others through my writing and/or speaking. I’d love to be leading a balanced life, in which I work hard at my passion but in which there’s also plenty of time for fun, friends, family, travel, exercise and Nature. And I’d love to be a wife and a mother.

As I heard yesterday, if you can dream it, it can happen.

Posted in Business, Empowerment, Entrepreneurship, Uncategorized, Women | Tagged , | 6 Comments

All will be well

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

It’s occurred to me that I’ve gone about some of my life – not all, but some – with a sense of dread and doom and the impression that all will not be well. I think I picked this up quite young and I haven’t been able to shake it. It’s not there all the time but when it is, it grips me. I’d always hoped I was an optimist, a ‘bright side of life’ kind of person, but now I’m seeing that was perhaps a little optimistic! In fact, on some days, my glass has just a splash of milk in it, never mind being half empty. I wrote about this in my ‘Do more of what you love‘ post on my Just As I Am blog. I’d worried excessively about getting myself organised and getting away for the weekend – and then everything turned out just fine. But it’s become even clearer in the past few days how I sometimes choose – and it is a choice – to dwell on the worst-case scenario rather than think positively. So I’ve decided to make a concerted effort to turn my ‘dread and doom’ thinking into a sense that ‘all will be well’.

Of course, we hear a lot about the power of positive thinking these days and there are zillions of books on the topic. We’re told to send out positive vibes to the universe and we’ll get good things back in return. This is the essence of Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret – the book, the film and other offshoots – that tells us to imagine an empty parking space and we’ll find one waiting for us or to envisage our dream home, dream car and dream family and we might just get what we’ve been wishing for. I do quite like the concept of vision boards or putting down in writing our deepest desires, but what if we don’t get what we’ve been wishing for? Unfortunately, things don’t always turn out well or as we’d imagined or hoped. That’s where faith comes into the picture – at least for me. Messages around positive thinking and the pointlessness of worry go way back. We’re told over and over in the Bible not to worry, not to be anxious, that God will take care of us – our income, our health, our happiness – that ‘all will be well’ if we have faith and trust. It’s not about putting our feet up – we always have to do our part – but worry isn’t going to help. And things may indeed go a little awry but we’ll never be given more than we can handle and life normally has a way of working itself out for good. Sometimes, though, it takes a bout of extreme worry and anxiety – a panic attack of sorts – for me to remember that all will be well.

It’s not the strongest of links but this all takes me back to last summer. I was swimming off the coast of Mablethorpe – that great British holiday destination – in July. The water was freezing, the skies were grey and, needless to say, I was on my own in the sea (and without a wetsuit). There’s nothing like feeling at one with the elements, even if those elements are ice-cold. I’d been told that seals could be seen close to shore and I got it in my head that I’d love to see a seal. So, as I swam along, I started asking God to bring a seal along. But then I realised that was a little greedy – after all, the beach was beautiful and windswept, the sea was very refreshing, the birds were flying in formation and I was feeling pretty content with things the way they were. Then I remembered something I’d heard once about praying expectantly, praying as though something has already happened. So I started to say ‘Thank you, God, for my seal….” a few times over and, minutes later, about a metre in front of me, was the cutest baby seal I’ve ever seen – looking right at me. I was shocked, excited and scared at the same time. Do seals bite, I wondered. Once I’d regained my calm, I hung out with the seal for a little while. We both went under water and popped back up again, swam around a little, had a chat (I did most of the chatting) and then it disappeared. I was elated when I got out of the water. I’d prayed expectantly and my seal had appeared. Or maybe I’d been in such a contented, peaceful place that my eyes were open to the beauty around me, including the seal. Or was it all coincidence? Interpret it as you will but I took away a number of lessons from that exhilarating experience: if your heart is telling you to jump in the sea, even if your head is telling you you’re crazy, jump in, with both feet. And if you’re contented with what you have and thankful for it, maybe then you’ll be blessed with your deepest desires, maybe the icing on the cake will appear. And if it doesn’t, you’ll already be happy with your life as it is so it’s a win-win. I love to remember my seal moment when I’m forgetting to be thankful for what I already have or when my brain spirals into negative thinking and I need to fill my glass up with milk.

On the theme of positivity, it’s also occurred to me that I might have painted quite a dark picture of my life to date and that wouldn’t be entirely true. There have been some downs and some dark spots but there have also been many ups and plenty of light. I’ve felt trapped at times but have also enjoyed great freedom. I remember my first cycling holiday in the Lake District at 16 with a bunch of girlfriends. We had such a giggle. From then, I went on to drive tourists around Tuscany in a minibus, parachute in England and bungy jump in New Zealand and enjoy the sights and sounds of beautiful countries like Mexico. I used to love driving my battered old Golf down to our favourite beach near Acapulco on weekends, singing my heart out with my friends to Cher, Ricky Martin or Luis Miguel, and then water skiing on the lagoon and eating chilli prawns at sunset. I’ve flown in military helicopters in Sri Lanka, Iraq and Afghanistan, kayaked through Katherine Gorge, caught crayfish in Milford Sound, hiked up and down mountains, camped out, cycled up and down hills and through woods, run a half-marathon, sat under cascading waterfalls in Brazil and Mexico, danced my way through Rio’s Sambodromo at Carnival time, had many great relationships and friendships and enjoyed spending time with my lovely family. And that’s just the first 40 years! So there’s been a lot of light, fun and adventure and maybe it’s worth focusing a little more on those good times.

Too many pies

I just had to use this sub-heading in this blog post after coming up with the title ‘Too many pies’ while riding my scooter last night. It made me chuckle, out loud. Probably because I’ve blogged so much about overeating, weight and body issues and the title suggests I’m about to continue on the same topic (although personally, I’ve never overeaten on pies – I prefer healthy options like cereal, yoghurt or oat cakes!). But what I’m actually wanting to say is that I’ve got my finger in too many pies, metaphorically speaking, not that I ate them all. Maybe it’s not politically correct of me to be referring in jest to such phrases as ‘who ate all the pies?’, which I know can be used in a harmful way towards overweight people, but I’m poking fun at myself only here and I thought it was about time I lightened the mood.

So, too many pies. I’ve got so much on right now – numerous freelance projects, story pitches to write and send off, columns to seek out (yes, I’d love a column in a newspaper or magazine – does anyone think I deserve a column? Maybe I should start saying ‘Thank you for my column’), invoices to send off and, most importantly because it’s a real passion of mine, this site to develop. My brain feels totally overwhelmed and, as is the way when you have your finger in a lot of pies, things get a bit messy. Women are talented multi-taskers but I feel it’s getting a little ridiculous. I know I take on too much and that’s partly related to the freelance life and being overdrawn right now, as well as to my compulsion to distract myself and avoid sitting still. But then if I can head back to where this post started and remember that ‘all will be well’ (provided I’m not reckless or foolish and do the footwork), then maybe I can take the pressure off a little. So, on that note, I’m off for yet another long weekend in the English countryside and I’m determined to leave the feelings of guilt behind.

And finally, I don’t have a photo of a pie to hand to illustrate this topic so here’s a very pretty Cornish scone to make up for it. 

They do cream teas so well in Cornwall.

Posted in Leisure, Positive thinking, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Fight for your fun

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

I’m feeling guilty. I’ve been having too much fun. I was away at the weekend walking and cycling in Cornwall and, two weekends earlier, I was away in Wiltshire on a music festival- camping-mountain biking weekend. I picnicked in London’s parks over Easter and I’m off to Norfolk this weekend for some more rest and relaxation in the beautiful English countryside. I know I wrote in my Just As I Am blog that doing more of what I love is one of the keys to contentment and that I wanted to get out into the Great Outdoors more often, but surely this is over the top? When I resolved to have more fun, I hadn’t reckoned on these feelings of guilt or on these voices in my head that tell me I’m a slacker, that I need to work harder and that I don’t deserve so much time off or so many lovely experiences. I guess it’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime. I think I grew up with a sense that life was a slog and always would be, that it was hard work and that ‘fun’ was reserved for those other people who could afford holiday homes or yachts. Then, in my teenage years and beyond, I developed a different sense of ‘fun’ that included great acts of spontaneity and big worldwide adventures but that also involved overindulging on food, binge drinking until I was sick, behaving outrageously or putting myself in extreme or dangerous situations.

Of course, I also wrote a fair bit in my Just As I Am blog about balance and how I’ve always struggled with it. I’ve been a person of extremes and that has included swinging from the hard slog to extreme ‘fun’ without hanging around in the middle. So, while I believe it’s important for me to fight for my fun – against the voices in my head that tell me I haven’t earned any or that fun is for others – I also deserve to have my fun in a way that’s manageable. So maybe this run of three long weekends is a little bit excessive for someone who’s recovering from overworking and over striving. Maybe I need to approach fun in a more measured fashion. It would be foolish, however, to let my guilty feelings spoil the fun I’ve already planned – something I’ve most definitely done in the past. Why not take all these wonderful opportunities to have fun and just run with them for now, while remembering to plan a little better in the future? Why not take the pressure off myself to achieve and keep on achieving? But then I guess balancing work and fun is particularly hard when you’re self-employed, when you have a big hole in your bank balance as you wait for invoices to come in and when you’re passionate about getting a new website off the ground.

At the Bedruthan Steps on the north Cornish coast, April 30, 2011.

While fun comes naturally to some people, I do believe others of us have to fight a little for it. Just before my Cornish weekend, the same thoughts went through my head as in the run-up to my Honeyfest camping and cycling adventure: my mind started to tell me that going away to Cornwall wasn’t a good idea, that I was too tired, that I had too much to do (working on this website for one) and that I’d only recently had some fun in the British countryside and it was too soon to have anymore. Fortunately, I didn’t listen. I jumped on the train with my bike and headed out to Padstow to walk along the beautiful coastline and cycle through the country lanes. So a weekend I might have spent in London obsessing about this website was enjoyed out in the fresh air, hanging out with friends and meeting new people.

The weekend away also led me to reflect about the importance of relationships. As much as I’d love this website to have an impact on people’s lives, ultimately it’s never going to be as important as being in relationship with others – with friends, partners, siblings, parents, children, work colleagues, neighbours and, in my case, with God. I believe that’s why we’re all here: to learn to live with each other, love, cherish, support and accept each other and to teach and learn from each other. A few years ago, when I had a bit of an existential crisis and ended up on my knees asking what life was all about, love and relationship were the answers I came up with. As yet, I haven’t managed to make a romantic relationship work but I believe if I keep practising my relationship skills out there in the world with friends, male and female, I’ll be better prepared when it’s time to take the plunge.

One last thing about fun. I’m also realising it’s best if I try to incorporate it into every day, rather than reserving it for the weekend or holidays. That combination of hard slog during the week and extreme fun at the weekend may work for some people but I think I need a little more balance. So if I can incorporate fun into my day and working week – even if it’s laughter with a friend on the phone or a handstand or cartwheel in the park on a sunny day – I’ll be on the way to living a more balanced life.

As this is my second post, I also just wanted to expand a little on the inspiration for this site and what I want to achieve with it. When I imagined this site, many thoughts and experiences came to mind but there’s one in particular I wanted to share here. I was coming home on a bus many months ago now, late at night. There was a young girl on the bus, probably in her mid-teens, and she was very drunk. If I remember rightly, she was wearing a very short skirt and high heels and she was having difficulty walking or standing up straight. She got off the bus a few stops before me and I had a strong sense that she wasn’t in a very good condition to be walking alone through London’s dark streets. I was close to getting off the bus and offering to help her to her door but I was stopped by a voice that said, ‘don’t be ridiculous, she’ll be fine, everyone gets drunk and staggers home in their teens etc’. I’m sure she was absolutely fine. There were no reports in the news the next week about a drunken teenage girl getting into trouble on the way home. But I haven’t been able to get that memory out of my head. Probably because it reminded me of all the times I stumbled home drunk and got myself into scrapes or potentially dangerous situations in my teens and 20s. I remember one particular occasion during the years I lived in Mexico City (1995-2000). I’d been out having ‘fun’ – drinking much more alcohol than my body or mind could take – and I flagged down a taxi on the street around 3 am on my own. A few streets away from where I got in, the driver pulled over, two guys jumped in and proceeded to rob me at gunpoint. I thank God that nothing happened to me and that they let me walk away from that scary experience unscathed. I knew it was unwise to flag cabs off the street in Mexico City, particularly as a single female, but I did it anyway. What’s worse, I did it again with a friend a few months later and we got robbed at knifepoint. (I should note here that Mexico City is a marvellous, vibrant, colourful place to visit – just make sure you phone a licensed taxi rather than flagging one off the street).

So what have these memories got to do with this site? Well, they tie in with the idea of mentoring, sharing experiences and passing on wisdom. Of course, I know teenagers and people of all ages will do what they want to do. They’ll get drunk, fool around and get into scrapes. Most of them will be just fine but some of them will get into trouble or into danger. But what if they had an older role model who could help guide them in the right direction? Someone who could gently persuade them that drinking to destruction wasn’t a great idea or that flagging down taxis as a sole female in the middle of the night on the streets of big cities wasn’t all that safe. Now, I know that I could only change my behaviour when I was ready and that no lectures from my Mum or older women about my foolish antics would have made a difference. But what if there’d been a powerful role model in my life around those years, someone who gently guided me while accepting me for who I was, someone who set a good example through their own behaviour rather than lecturing or scolding? I remember having role models at school, in teachers and older pupils, and I have role models in my life today and continue to seek out mentors, but there was a big gap of many years when I was convinced I knew best.

So what if our experiences could help others avoid pain or danger? I know there are many individuals and organisations who believe in the power of mentoring and I do too. The British children’s charity Kids Company, founded by the inspiring Camila Batmanghelidjh (I must add her to my Inspiring Women page), has a mentoring scheme, churches have youth workers and youth leaders, schools have prefects and many other organisations have sponsors and mentors. Of course, this site doesn’t have a mentoring programme but its ethos is based on the power of inspiring and mentoring others. I hope to develop it into a space where women and men (despite the feminine feel, I’d like male readers and contributors too) share thoughts, feelings, experiences and knowledge, inspire each other and pass on wisdom to each other.

And finally, although a few days have gone by since the Royal Wedding, I feel I can’t let it pass without a comment here. Like so many, I loved the pomp and ceremony, the sense of tradition, the people-watching (from the comfort of a friend’s sofa, dressed in posh frock and waving a union jack flag), the endless commentary on wedding attire and the huge display of good will shown by the crowds towards the young couple. What most moved me, however, was seeing a boy who’d grown up in a dysfunctional home make a lifelong commitment to another person after having fallen in love at the tender age of 28. William grew up in a loveless marriage that was played out in the media spotlight, his family’s dirty linen was aired in the press, his parents split up acrimoniously in public and his mother died in a horrific car crash that sparked endless conspiracy theories. Of course, William had many luxuries and privileges that other children from broken homes couldn’t even dream of. But no amount of money can fix a broken heart or heal the scars that are left by so much pain and loss. I think his ability to overcome whatever fears he had about committing to Kate after seeing his parents marriage fall apart gives hope to all us singletons or anyone struggling to take a leap of faith in a relationship. Yes, he had a wobble but it only lasted three months. I guess tribute also goes to his late mother for bringing him up with as much normality as she could muster considering his position as heir to the throne and her unfortunate role as the paparazzi’s No. 1 headshot. I may be a die-hard romantic and a little on the slushy side but the Royal Wedding definitely gives me hope that healing, restoration, love, peace and happiness are available to all of us, however scarred we are by our past.

Posted in Leisure, Love, Relationships, Self-Acceptance, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Welcome to ‘From Forty With Love’

Posted on April 28, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

The journey starts here. Or rather the journey continues here, since it’s been quite a journey to get to this point. I had the idea for a website called ‘From Forty With Love’ about six months ago, when I was 39 1/2. I talked about it, drew pictures of it, thought about it, slept on it, stayed awake thinking about it, prayed about it, meditated on it, fiddled around with it and finally, finally, decided to just do it. Of course, I’ve had to accept it’s not perfect and it never will be and if you’ve read my Just As I Am – An Experiment in Self Acceptance blog, you’ll know that imperfection is one of the hardest things for me to accept. But as the best-selling author, entrepreneur and motivational speaker Seth Godin says (see the videos in my previous post on my Just As I Am blog), it’s all about shipping. That is, just getting it out there. So here I am and here’s my site, with all its imperfections.

So what’s it all about? Well, you can read the ‘About‘ page for a full description. But in a nutshell, ‘From Forty With Love’ is a space for women to learn from each other, to support each other and to share their insight, wisdom and experiences in a way that could help others, be they younger or older. I am a passionate believer in the power of storytelling, of sharing collective wisdom and of mentoring others. We have so much to gain from other people’s experiences.

But what if we had the chance to mentor our younger selves? What would we say to our 20-year-old or our 30-year-old? What if we could write her a love letter? What would we say to guide her through life? Where would we tell her to focus her energies?

I have so much I’d like to say to my younger self, in a loving way, that I could write a book and no doubt I’ll write a number of love letters to her during the course of this blog. Some of the things I’d write might sound obvious: follow your heart, stay true to yourself, trust, walk through your fears, cherish love and relationships above career and achievements. Obvious, but definitely easier said than done. Other messages I’d like to pass on are more specific: bingeing on food or starving yourself to blot out or push down painful feelings will only backfire – either immediately or in the long run. The pain will still be there but you’ll also have to deal with the shame, the weight gain and the physical damage that comes with unhealthy eating behaviours. I’d like to tell her that feelings are painful but that they won’t kill her.

I’d like to explain to her that the hair loss she suffered in her teens and again in her mid-30s (along with acne) was linked to hormonal imbalances and wasn’t her fault or anything to be ashamed of. I’d like to encourage her to share what she was going through and to be able to point her in the right direction to find help. I’d like to tell her that she didn’t have to suffer in silence or take a doctor’s brush-off to mean she was deluded about what was happening to her body. I’d also like to tell her it’s OK to be angry and not to be afraid of other people’s anger. I’d like to tell her to search for God and to hold on to him and his promises. I’d like to tell her it’s OK not to strive and constantly achieve and suggest she spend more time doing what makes her heart sing.

That’s just part of my love letter to my younger self and hopefully explains why this site is called ‘From Forty With Love’. This space, however, is for women of all ages. We have wisdom to share at all stages and phases in our lives, wisdom that could benefit those who are younger or older than we are.

The pages on this site – health, fertility, career change, body image, relationships and others I will add as I go on – cover areas where I feel my younger self could have benefited from some wisdom and mentoring. They’re also areas about which my 40-year-old self feels she has experiences to share that could benefit others or on which she’d like to hear and gain inspiration from other women’s experiences. If you have anything to say about any of the topics I want to cover or if you have suggestions for other topics, please get in touch. I’m looking for women who are willing to share their stories – stories of hope, of triumph, of breakthrough, stories of loss, of grief and of disappointment. I’d love to hear from you, either anonymously or by name, whatever you feel comfortable with. I have 15 years in journalism and believe I have a talent for sensitive storytelling.

I have already shared some of my own story in my Just As I Am blog that documented my attempt to abstain from negative thoughts about my body, appearance and achievements for 40 days over Lent. I’ve imported all my posts and the comments to this site (with some glitches I’ll endeavour to iron out). I will continue to share my story here as I journey through my 41st year, a year that I believe will be one of great change, growth and learning and a year, God willing, of blossoming and flourishing (which is why you’ll see a lot of flowers on this site!).

Katherine on her 40th birthday, March 2011

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Coming soon: From Forty With Love

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Katherine Baldwin

Lent and my Lenten experiment – abstaining from negative thoughts about my body, appearance and achievements for 40 days – officially came to an end on Easter Sunday. Unlike giving up chocolate, bread or crisps for Lent, however, this doesn’t end here. What I’ve learned from this blog and this experiment is that self-acceptance, self-love, self-care and gratitude do not come naturally to someone with a long history of self-criticism, self-harm, self-neglect and negative thinking. What is required is a gentle, daily effort to be kind to myself, to try to practice gratitude at all times and in all circumstances and to love and appreciate myself, just as I am. I have to say, though, that I’m proud of myself for starting this blog, for writing on it almost every day and for my diligence and commitment in putting together some pretty decent posts – if I do say so myself!

One great by-product of this blog that I hadn’t really anticipated is the community I’ve found. I have connected with so many amazing individuals and organisations that are championing body confidence and self-love and challenging the thought processes and the industries that feed low self-esteem and self-hate. This blog has also given me confidence in my own creativity, my writing and the value of my experience – it’s a tentative confidence but a confidence all the same. For all of the above, I’m deeply grateful. And I’m equally grateful to all those who’ve read this blog, commented on it, connected with me or supported this endeavour. I hope you learned something too or found a little more freedom from whatever you’re struggling with. And let’s face it, we all struggle with something!

But since the journey continues, so does my writing. ‘From Forty With Love’ is the next step in my blogging journey. I’ve used that title once before – on my 40th birthday post. Very soon, it’ll be the name of a new website and I hope to be able to move my registered readers over there with the help of technology – and a technologically minded person! – or that you’ll want to come and join me there anyway. ‘Just As I Am’ documented the first 40 days (or 46 days if you count the Sundays through Lent) of my self-acceptance journey and it was fitting that I turned 40 during that period. But I know this year is going to be one of great transition, much learning, some changing and more and more freedom around the things that have held me back in the past and I’d really like to share my progress. I’d also really like to share the thoughts and stories of other women of a similar age. So ‘From Forty With Love’ will be a space for sharing experiences around some of the issues that are peculiar to this time in our lives – anything from career change to fertility to exercise to spirituality to relationships. Hopefully we’ll learn from each other and the site will be a space where other women can go to for hope, inspiration, knowledge or a good old giggle. So more about that very soon.

It’s interesting, however, that to get this site up and running I have to challenge some of those very things I’ve been blogging about over the past 40 days and that I hope to write about in the future – the very things that have often held me back from taking a leap of faith. Not so much the body image stuff but the low self-esteem, the perfectionism, the fear of making a decision and making a mistake and the procrastination. To get over my fear and my procrastination, I’ve been checking out the words of best-selling author, entrepreneur and motivational speaker Seth Godin. Is watching videos on YouTube procrastinating?! Anyway, if you’ve never come across him, check out this short video in which he describes his theory about the ‘lizard brain’ – the source of our angst, fear, limited thinking and inability to ‘ship’ or complete a project.

And for a much more amusing take on Seth Godin’s theories, check out this cartoon video.

Whichever video you prefer, the message is pretty much the same: get on and do it.

But before I do (I’d put a smiley face here if I didn’t think it looked unprofessional), a word about maintenance. Why is maintenance so hard? Am I alone in finding maintenance hard? Is this a female thing or do men also struggle with maintenance? I’m talking about maintaining anything from our physical body to our car. So on Monday morning I washed my scooter and checked and topped up its oil. It hadn’t been washed for about 2 years, maybe more, and I usually leave the oil check to the mechanic at the time of its annual service. Now, scooters don’t use much oil so I’m not being overly reckless but I had been scootering around for a good six months wondering if I needed to top up the oil, living with a little bit of anxiety, living very slightly on the edge. And how good did I feel once I’d given it a good clean and checked the oil? It felt really good. I felt like a grown-up, like a responsible person who looks after her belongings. I even added a touch of oil to my bicycle chain although I ran out of time so couldn’t clean the bike properly. Still, the chain no longer squeaks so that’s also a result.

The episode made me ponder how difficult I find maintenance, and that includes my physical body. I’ve always been good at the exercises that might give me an adrenalin high or lose lots of calories, but when it comes to the slow, methodical ankle or Pilates exercises that are essential to strengthen my joints and muscles, that’s where I fall down. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I think it’s worth mentioning again.

Now, in the spirit of this blog, I can accept where I am today. I can accept that, until now, I’ve never been very good at maintenance or at doing anything slow and gradual that doesn’t give instant results. But I can also take steps to change. I’m learning that maintenance is good – for the scooter, the body and the soul. Now I smile every time I look at my scooter instead of groaning at the grime. And I can ride it in the knowledge that the oil is topped up and I’ve taken care of it. Taking care of ourselves feels really good. I guess it’s just about getting into the habit of doing it more often.

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