I’m so grateful for the sound of the sea this morning and for the band of bright sunlight on the horizon. And I’m grateful for the cold breeze and the wet sand.
My walk on the beach just now lifted my spirits, which were a bit low when I woke up this morning.
Nothing terrible. No drama. No tears, although there were some just beneath the surface. Just feeling a little low, a little tired, a little overwhelmed. Quite a lot to do. But that’s OK. It’s January 6. The year’s only just started. I can go easy on myself. I can take a breather, put my emotional health first.
As I walked, the phrase ‘becoming whole’ came to mind and that’s what I was going to call this blog post. But then I checked my archives – I used that title in a post in February last year – so I’m calling this one ‘becoming more whole’ instead. I also used the image of the oak tree in last year’s post, which I was also going to use today. That’s the picture that comes to me whenever I think of the process of becoming more whole, more solid, more grounded, more steady, more sure of who I am – the thick, solid trunk of the oak tree and its deep roots reaching far into the ground.
All that’s still relevant but I was thinking of the idea of ‘becoming whole’ today in the context of finding love.
Love is on my mind right now, and on my heart. It’s also in my heart, because I’m in love. But it’s on my mind because starting on January 16, I’ll be running a six-week programme in which I’ll be drawing on everything I’ve learned over more than a decade of personal development, transformation, therapy and recovery to help single, professional women find love and I’m looking for the best ways to explain what the course is all about and to make sure I get the message to anyone who’s meant to hear it.
One of my goals with How to Fall in Love – A Six-Week Journey to the Heart is to help you become more whole. I believe that the more grounded, centred and complete we are on the inside, the more likely we are to attract healthy people into our lives and to be attracted to people who can meet our needs and bring us joy.
I believe that the more we can develop our inner oak the more equipped we’ll be to say Yes when we mean Yes and No when we mean No. I believe it’ll be easier to set healthy and loving boundaries with ourselves and others, so we keep our promises to ourselves when we’re dating or entering into new relationships (promises such as I won’t get physical with him/her until I’ve got to know him/her a bit better, or I’ll commit to only checking my phone once a day, or I’ll make sure I don’t fantasise, obsess or compulsively pursue this person, or I’ll make space for self-care and other friendships in the early days of any courtship, or I’ll make sure I go along to dates with my self-esteem and self-worth intact, knowing that I deserve a healthy, loving relationship).
I also believe we’ll be more in tune with what we want and need in a relationship. We’ll be able to let go of the Mr or Mrs Right thing and more willing to accept and embrace our own and others’ imperfections. We’ll be able to develop and maintain a relationship of equals, in which we both bring something wonderful to the table and we both respect each other’s idiosyncrasies. And we’ll make better choices because we’ll be more in tune with our intuition and our instinct and more able to take note of that tap on the shoulder or that feeling in our gut that tells us to stay or to go. We’ll also be able to discern more effectively whether that shoulder tap or that gut feeling is our instinct or our fear.
So these are just a few of the benefits of becoming more whole. It’s important to note the verb is ‘becoming’ – it’s a gradual, imperfect process. We won’t grow into an oak tree overnight. It’ll take time and steady work. But we’ll be moving in the right direction and the more we nurture and nourish our core, the more resilient we’ll be to the hiccups we’ll inevitably encounter along our dating and relationship journey.
So helping you along the ‘becoming whole’ journey is one aspect of my ‘How to Fall in Love’ course. I also want to encourage and inspire you to do things differently, take risks, have fun, hold things lightly, play, be open and willing, and to commit some quality time to this important aspect of your life that busy women so often ignore. There’ll be a private Facebook group where we can share our hopes, fears, fun times and mishaps and where I’ll be sharing some of my experiences and the things I’ve learned on the journey to love in live videos. I’ll also be inviting you to work on an element of your dating or relationship journey every week – an exercise, something to think about, work through or put into practice.
If this is for you, do take a look at the link to the course and do get in touch with any questions. And please forward the link to any friends. This course is for women only and I imagine professional women in their 30s, 40s and above would benefit most. There are just 10 spaces and I have a few wonderful women signed up already. You can join from anywhere in the world.
The investment I’m inviting you to make is £99. I’m not sure how that sits with your current financial situation but I know from experience of doing groups and courses myself that I am much more engaged when I’ve made a financial commitment.
I also know I want to make this a wonderful journey for you and I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was seriously undervaluing what I have to offer. As it is, I imagine I’ll need to charge more in the future because knowing myself, I’ll put my heart and soul into the course and, by the end, will understand its true value. You may already be invested in online dating sites and I know they’re not cheap, but I do believe that going on a journey such as this will help you save time and money going forward.
If you don’t know me and would like to get a feel for who I am, check out this Facebook live video from the beach. Please excuse the abrupt end – my battery died!
And this is what I look like when I’m happy, in love and in my element, hiking in the sunshine with my partner and friends on Jan 2nd:
This picture represents how I want to live, love and work this year – passionately, wholeheartedly, joyfully and colourfully.
I believe we all have wonderful gifts to offer each other but sometimes we hold ourselves back. I’ve done that for years. But I’m finally allowing myself to work with my passion so I’m really excited about making a success of my love course.
I’m also excited about working with new coaching clients this year, helping people make leaps of faith and courageous life transitions towards more wholehearted, happy lives. I really want to support you, hold your hand as you do things differently and step into the unknown.
So I’m delighted that I’m finally trusting myself, my gifts, my knowledge and my experience and that I’m following my heart. As my therapist would say, I am developing confidence in my competence. My intention for 2017 is to develop that even more.
I wonder what your intentions are?